So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it's like iHOP with fire
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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