girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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