Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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