I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
