You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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