We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
