I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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