I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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