no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
