he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
