i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
