I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
