I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
