Who wears a wallet chain?!
I look better un-naked...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
