I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
