bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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