Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
