hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
