my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
