if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
