I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
