Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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