I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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