She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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