everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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