Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
