the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
