Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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