If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
