we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
