It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
