well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
