Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

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(914): View more from New York

When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.

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(847): View more from Illinois

My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Have you considered murder?

(757): View more from Virginia

Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy

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