I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
