She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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