Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
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Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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