Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
