god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
