Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
