i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
