i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
