Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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