it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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