Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
