went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
