I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
