I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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