My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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