I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
