These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
