Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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