This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
