I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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