before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
