In the future we'll all be gay
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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