So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize