just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
