did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
