Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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