She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
