The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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