Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
